Monday, November 07, 2011

Marriage: Pending, not Trending

IIPM: What is E-PAT?

As if Violence and lack of opportunities weren’t harrying the youth of Kashmir enough, the issue of late marriages is now turning into a serious concern. Haroon Reshi explores the reasons…

Shahid Zargar (36) attained a master’s degree from the University of Kashmir, more than a decade ago. He, however, remains unemployed, and is yet to be married. Still waiting for a suitable job to start his marital life, he sees less hope and more disappointment with each passing day. These days Shahid is teaching in a private school in downtown Srinagar, where he earns four thousand rupees a month. “How can one even think of getting married in such circumstances?” he wonders aloud.

Azhar Amin, a 39-year-old ‘boy’ from North Kashmir’s Baramullah town is eagerly waiting for the day when he would get to tie the knot. His problem is different from Shahid’s as Azhar was swept in his youth – like many others – into the militancy turmoil of the early 90s in the Valley. Azhar failed to rehabilitate himself into a normal life after he was arrested for receiving armed training in Pakistan-Occupied Kashmir (PoK) in 1995. Released in 2001 following a six-year prison term, his search for a partner has drawn a blank till date.

Like Shahid and Azhar, there are thousands of Kashmiri boys and girls in the Valley who are well past the ideal marriageable age owing to reasons of poverty, unemployment, dowry, roadblocks to higher education and conflict situation in the region. According to a recent study, “Emergence of late marriages in Kashmir”, by the sociology department of University of Kashmir, the average marrying age has moved from 20s to late 30s. According to Prof. B A Dabla, who was the chief investigator of the study,

“Conflict has played a vital role in this changing trend. Due to the prevailing situation in the region, it takes our boys and girls 30 to 40 years to attain proper higher education and career development. And then they find themselves over-aged in the marriage market where
ideal wedlock age is pegged between the late teens and late 20s.”

“On one hand, the late-marriage trend has challenged our traditional fabric and on the other it has created many social problems. There’s an increase in cases of mental disturbances, suicides, divorces, immorality, pre-marital sexual relationships and other such things,” Prof Dabla added.

“During the two-decade long turmoil, thousands of young Kashmiri men lost their lives, thousands got injured, many others were jailed and many more disappeared. This loss from the young generation has added to the problem of late marriage, as the skewed sex ratio proves further detriment to getting good matches for girls,” Zarief Ahmad Zarief, a noted social activist tells TSI.

The growing number of bachelors in the Kashmir Valley can be gauged by looking at the estimated figure of jobless youth, which stands at around a million. “We have more than 7.5 lakh unemployed youth registered with the state’s employment exchange, many of them over-age. How could these people afford marriage until they get proper livelihoods?” asks Zarief rhetorically.

The tradition of extravagant weddings is an additional reason for the late marriage syndrome in Kashmir. Most of the parents, belonging to the middle class or lower middle class, cannot afford dowry for their daughters’ wedding ceremony and feasts (wazwan). “It takes years for people to collect and save money for the marriage of their children. Unless we change the trend and make marriage inexpensive, this problem will persist,” says Sumaira Bashir, a 29-year-old unmarried girl. “In many cases, girls after attaining higher education do not want to marry men who are less educated or economically weak,” Ali Mohammad, a marriage broker, shared his observations.

Deferred nuptials are not devoid of adverse biological consequences. “Over-age women find problems conceiving. Late pregnancies often lead to genetic abnormalities like Down Syndrome and other congenital defects in children,” said Dr Sabiya, a physician in a maternity hospital in Srinagar.

Social and religious organisations and scholars have expressed their concerns over the disturbing trend. “I have been saying that the late-marriage trend is absolutely un-Islamic. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) guides us to timely marriage. I frequently urge Imams (person who lead prayers in the mosques) to make people aware that late marriage is a sinful act. The Shari’ah (Islamic law) gives solutions to every problem. We should have faith in God rather than money and job positions,” Moulana Showkat Shah, a leading religious scholar and the Chairman of Jamiat Ahle-Hadith, told TSI.

It was revealed in the census of 2001 that 54 per cent of men and 46 per cent of women were unmarried. Four years later, in 2005, Humsafar Marriage Counseling Cell (HMCC) was established by Islamic Dawa Centre, a religious body of Kashmir, to organise marriages in true religious style and discourage extravagance. According to Fayaz Ahmad Zaroo, director of HMCC, more than one thousand marriages have been conducted austerely since the establishment of this NGO.

The HMCC has also started a weekly audio programme in collaboration with the state-run Radio Kashmir to promote the new thinking around simple marriages. “The late marriage tendency is sullying our religious, social and cultural values and has devastating impact on individuals, families and the nation. Our one-point agenda is to tell people how important it is to make marriage economically affordable for everybody in the society. And we are getting a positive response. But there is need to launch a massive campaign everywhere.” Fayaz told TSI.

A marriage is after all a meeting of the hearts. A campaign for minds over matter (read money) definitely makes sense not only in the Valley, but everywhere else to.

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